Overweight, Boring Children? Your Fault.

Climbing Rocks on Our Favorite Nature Trail

A recent study on why our most recent generation of children is more likely to watch TV or play video games revealed that the parents were usually at fault for their children's unhealthy behavior.

Children reported wanting to go outside & play, but parents often refused because they felt it 'wasn't safe.'

When I was about 9 years old I remember riding my bike for miles (we're talking 10+) often with a friend on the handlebars to the beach so that we could go swimming in Lake Michigan. There were plenty of other children around and we rode in the streets because motorists pretty much always got out of our way.

Though there are bike lanes by my house, I have never seen an unaccompanied child riding down my street. And, although our city law requires that in areas without bike lanes people on bikes be given the same road rights as cars, it rarely happens.

What do you think? What can we, as parents, do to make the streets safe for our kids again?

Experts blame parental fear for kids shunning cycling and swimming for TV and computers

Namaste,
Ani

Wordless Wednesday: Sandbox

 

 

 

 

 

He's finally old enough to make friends and play without me.

Finding the Right Friends

Friends do not live in harmony, merely, as some say, but in melody.

~Henry David Thoreau

I made a new friend last month.

A single mom, like me. Who unschools her kids, like I do. Who only serves healthy organic meals, me too. Who went against to grain and her family to create the life she wanted for her and her kids, me too. She herself is the child of a mestizo dad and a black American mom, same here.

It is so refreshing to sit and talk with someone who agrees with me. Who wants the same things out of life as I do. Who is just like me in so many ways.

We take our kids to the park, on walks and to the movies. We do bubbles and picnics and sidewalk chalk. We read books, practice writing and play pretend, all together.

No arguing.

No convincing.

No defensiveness.

When you're not doing things the 'normal' way it can be hard to socialize at times, maybe your kid is the only one who doesn't eat hotdogs or doesn't have a TV at home. Finding people who agree with you can validate your life choices and give you some easy companionship with a like minded soul.

It's nice.


Namaste,
Ani

Parenting Requires Confidence

I once had a friend try to end a discussion with me by saying, "I can't win with you because you always think you're right!"

My response was, "Of course I always 'think' I'm right. If I thought I was wrong I would change my opinion to the one I thought was right!" I have plenty of confidence in my mind and it's ability to reason & reach conclusions.

I woke up thinking about this because of a discussion I had last night on Twitter. A single mom left her 13 year old home alone for 7 days while she flew to Taiwan on a business trip. My perspective; what's the big deal. Overall, opinions varied (Kelly over at KellyNaturally.com blogged about it).

The discussion, for me. boiled down to personal autonomy and the relationship between rights and responsibilities.

A single parent who is solely responsible for a child also has the sole right to make decisions regarding that child. After all, insisting that she hire a babysitter for a teenager for a seven day business trip is likely a very expensive endeavor, one seen as unnecessary by me, and apparently by the mother in question. What political scientists call an unfunded mandate (making a rule without providing the means to enforce /follow through on it).

I then disclosed that when my son was an infant I often left him alone in his crib for about 30 minutes during his naptime so that I could get grocery shopping done. This was seen by many of my followers as even more controversial than leaving a 13 year old home alone for a week. I stand by my decision.

Why? Because I can. Because no one else was there & it was my decision to make. I made it. You're welcome.

Parenting is, after all, simply using your best judgement. There are no manuals to consult. The idea of what constitutes good parenting varies from culture to culture. Several of my followers pointed out that in many cultures a 13 year old would be married with children of her own to care for.

We all know that being a leader (isn't that what a parent is after all) requires not only decision making, but commitment. Both of which take confidence in your own ability to think, and you cannot be a good parent without being a confident one.

Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. ~Dandemis

So, the next time someone judges your parenting decisions (no matter who they are or what type of 'authority' they claim to have) take a deep breath and remind yourself that they, like you, are only human. We are all born equally autonomous. Your freedom to parent as you see fit cannot be taken away, only given away.

Namaste,
Anita

Living Your Life Isn't a 'Luxury'

Do you ever feel envy towards someone who sees that their life isn't headed where they want, stops, and changes direction?

Do you think it's 'easy' for them, but not for you?

Really?

The question I get asked most by people who read my blog is "what made you do it?"  What made you sell your house, quit your job & move half-way across the country alone, with your two year old son?

The short answer is, "what else was I gonna do?"

I was in a rut. I worked from dusk 'til dawn so that I could pay someone else to raise my son. I started to think about what I was working for... to sleep? This was my life after all.

This IS my life.

So if you want to make a change do it. Do it now. Don't wait until the time comes when you wake up thinking you should make a change while you're still young only to look in the mirror to see that you're NOT that young anymore.

This is, after all, your life. Living it isn't a luxury.

Kids Can Walk Too You Know

Walking in Freedom Park

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.  

~Steven Wright

When I was a kid we were a one car family. My mom was a SAHM in a small town and if we needed to go somewhere during the day we walked.

We walked to the store.
We walked to school.
We walked to the park.
We walked to the library.
We walked to our friends' houses.
We walked to the creek.
We walked just for fun.

My son was just 4 years old when we got rid of our car and it never crossed my mind that a 5 mile walk was too much for him until someone asked me how he did it.

Turns out, he just does.

He doesn't complain.
He walks.
He skips ahead.
He collects sticks, rocks and leaves.
He talks about what he sees.
He asks for the occasional drink of water.

Try taking a walk around the block with your kid. Then to the park. Then to someplace even farther away. Keep them engaged. They'll love it.

Namaste,
Ani

What I'm Reading...

I loved this post about choices when ending a relationship over on The Upbeat Dad so much that I wanted to share it with all of my readers.

To Become Better or Bitter: The Choice is Yours

Namaste,

Ani

The Beauty of Letting Go

This morning my son presented me with a drawing and the first thought in my mind was; "Dear God, please slow time down." And then, I recalled an experience I had while in college.

One year a group of Tibetan Monks came to visit our campus for a few days. Several of the monks worked for hours each day creating a very beautiful, very large & very intricate sand medallion on the floor of the lobby of the building I worked in. I walked past it every day on my way into work, and again on my way home. Each time marveling at its beauty. And each day it grew more and more beautiful.

Finally, when it was finished, the university heads and a few students gathered around for a small ceremony. We marveled at the completed sand medallion's beauty, discussed how amazing it was, and wondered how the monks would transport it to its permanent location.

One of the monks stepped to the front of the group and gave a short speech thanking us for our hospitality and explaining the history of the design. He then said it would be left as a gift for the university and instructed the other monks to prepare the medallion for transport. I was sure, at this point, that they would employ some mystical eastern means to keep the medallion intact, but I was quickly proven wrong. Three of the other monks stepped out, one with a broom, one with a dustpan, and one with a glass jar.

They then began to sweep the sand into a pile and place the grains into the glass jar.

The first monk continued his speech. This was, he explained, a representation of the nature of beauty. Just because the physical art was gone didn't mean that we had never experienced its beauty. And holding onto it would not make it any more beautiful. In fact, holding onto it would make it a burden, as the entire lobby would have to remain roped off indefinitely. Just as holding onto anything beyond its time creates a burden in our lives. The monks left us with the gift of the experience of beauty, which is all we ever have anyhow, and the lesson that:

Everything is beautiful in it's own time, and in time everything is beautiful.

Holding onto past experiences, no matter how wonderful, can sometimes prevent us from seeing the beauty in the present moment. Instead, we should take every moment for what it is worth, beautiful in its own right, and then let it go so that we may receive the beauty of the next moment in full.

After remembering this I looked at my son's picture again. The picture was amazing. My child had gone, in four short years, from a helpless infant to a creative young boy. Sure, I enjoyed him then, but why shouldn't I enjoy him now too? Why waste my time as a parent of a four year old pining for my time as a parent of a 1 month old when, in truth, these moments are equally beautiful.

Namaste,

Ani

Our Simple Homeschool

I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn. ~Albert Einstein

Children love to learn. They are born with a natural curiosity about the world; which, if encouraged and not stifled, can lead them to natural and lifelong learning and discovery. In order to encourage my son in his self-education I recently set up a homeschool space in our home. A desk, a computer, paper, writing implements, a whiteboard, worksheets and books. A simple area that he can go to whenever he wants to explore the academic side of life. :)

Here are some tips for how we set up a learning area in our home:

• Get a computer -- We found an old eMac for less than $100 online. My son can use it to visit learning websites like pbskids.org, starfall.com, and nickjr.com; or to practice his typing skills in a simple text editor. Once you've set it up with software, games or websites that you choose, a computer can be a great learning tool for a preschooler.

• Collect books on different subjects -- We have so many books on so many things. Birthdays and holidays bring gifts of books on my sons latest obsession (currently space). I've separated them into themes and have searched out supporting materials on the web to create learning units. He likes to read, and afterward there's usually a fun activity. ;)

• Buy (or make) preschool paraphernalia -- Expose your child to flashcards, scissors, construction paper, glue, craft materials, worksheets and anything else that is traditionally found in a preschool classroom. When I find a new activity I usually do it with him at least once and show him where it will be stored. After that he can choose which activity he wants to do without needing to ask me.

• Carve out a quiet kid-friendly study space -- It's really important for your child to have a quiet and clean space to work in. When you're setting it up, think of all of the things you would want in a study space and keep your child's size in mind. Make sure everything can be reached easily.

Here are some other places on the web you can use for resources:

My Montessori House

The FreeChild Project

TLS Books

The Homeschool Classroom

Rainy Day Fun

Stuck indoors with kids and no TV on a rainy day?

Some of the things we've done over the last three days...

• Draw a picture.
• Build a pillow fort.
• Make and play with playdoh.
• Take a (pretend) trip to space.
• Open your own restaurant or store (my son's idea).
• Read a book.
• Build a block city.
• Create a wooden railway.
• Make up silly stories.

What do you do with your kids on rainy days?

Take a Walk

"As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness." ~ Henry David Thoreau

The less I own the less stress I feel. Six weeks ago I made the decision to get rid of my car. I don't live in a city with the greatest public transportation system, although it does have several different types available, but I have very rarely regretted the decision to sell the belonging which had been the biggest drain on my time.

In fact my life has been enriched in four very meaningful ways.

1.) I've gained a renewed appreciation of nature by walking everywhere I need to go.

2.) I've gained respect for my personal time because trips take so much planning and forethought I only spend my time going places I really want to end up at.

3.) I've gained time with my son. When we walk places together he gets to ask me questions about what he sees, tell me a story, or just sing me a song. There is no radio or traffic to distract us from each other.

4.) I've gained financial flexibility. I no longer need to work more to sustain an object that sits idle for 90% of my time. No taxes. No car washes. No trips to the mechanic. No registration fees. No gasoline. No insurance payments.

As a single parent I believe that the best way to spend more time with my child is to spend more time with my child. My journey reflects that priority. I hope that all of your lives reflect your priorities as well.

Namaste,

Ani